‘Life will never be the same . . . maybe it can be better’
Ann Boriskie
Age: 56
Personal life: Married with three children, lives in Alpharetta
Background
The former elementary school teacher and corporate executive suffered a traumatic brain injury during a 1998 car crash. She was left unable to work because of chronic pain and memory loss and struggled to heal physically and emotionally.
Turning point
Right after my accident, I remember looking in the mirror and not really seeing my old self. I got lost constantly while driving, and I could not remember any telephone numbers or dial one. I had trouble writing, and many of my memories of important events, family trips, and family happenings were just gone. I became incredibly anxious and paranoid.
On Sept. 29, 2000, I was up late and at a true point of despair. I was even thinking of suicide. I felt that I had become so much of a burden on my family since my wreck, and I was in excruciating physical and mental pain. But I heard a voice in my head (what most might call an epiphany) say that my new life’s mission was to be a champion for the brain-injured, to help them realize that their life can be meaningful.
How I did it
With a brain injury, you must restrain and re-educate your brain. So I just kept pushing myself. I pushed through my pain to do my exercises, walking and weightlifting, which I had done for 30 years. I kept driving, cooking and typing on the computer. I relearned my vocabulary by making myself proofread my children’s writing, and I read a lot during rest periods following my various operations.
I volunteered at my children’s schools and at a nursing home with Alzheimer’s patients, as many of my symptoms matched theirs.
Still, my recovery was very slow.
I had to go through the four stages of loss, just like a person goes through when they lose a loved one.
I had to mourn the loss of my old self, the Ann I was before the wreck. I was angry, depressed and sad. Finally, after lots of counseling and support from family, friends and great doctors, I accepted my changes.
Setbacks
The greatest difficulty was getting diagnosed. I had numerous physical problems [including neck, back, jaw, shoulder, wrists, hand, heart and elbow] that the doctors treated first, and it was more than a year before they ever diagnosed my brain injury.
Going to the doctor, often two and three times a week, became my job, my career.
The other difficulty was having my family and friends accept the new me. They did not want to accept that I was indeed different and that I no longer could do all I did before. They wanted “Super Mom, Super Woman” back. I lost a lot of friends because they were just uncomfortable being around someone injured or different.
Triumphant moment
I joined a support group, and my oldest daughter, Amy, attended one of the sessions with me. She turned to me and said, “Mom, I would not be in medical school right now if you had not been in the wreck. You were, and still are, there for me every time I call. Before the wreck, you would have been off on a business trip or in an important meeting. You would have been too busy.”
This was truly a miraculous moment and revelation. I suddenly realized that although I had lots of shortcomings and was not the mom, wife and friend that I had been before, I still had a lot to offer my loved ones and the world. Amy gave me a reason to keep living and fighting to get better. It proved to me that I had a purpose.
I am now working with the group to develop a peer visitor program where those with brain injuries could help other survivors.
Day by day
Life has changed for myself, my family and loved ones, and my friends. Yes, I sometimes still miss who I was, and still get sad when I can’t recall a favorite family trip or memory, or if I can’t do something that I once could. But the old me was extremely competitive and often put work ahead of family. Now I know how very precious life is. I take time to watch the birds from my deck — my little sanctuary — and I take comfort and inspiration from the hundreds of angels I started collecting after the accident. Life will never be the same, but maybe it can be better.
Advice to others
Refuse to stay under the covers and be depressed. Put yourself out there, smile and try to feel as good as you can. Help others and spread love, because when you make others feel good, you feel good in return. You get back the warmth and love you give.
Also, helping others with disabilities distracts you from your own pain. You focus on other people getting better. Before you know it, you have also helped yourself.
Read an article (PDF) on Ann and the Brain Injury Peer Visitor Association from Shepherd Center’s Spring 2010 Spinal Column magazine.