Leslee Williams
I was living in Dubai at the time and working for Coca-Cola. A day before my 44th birthday I received a letter of my global redundancy, I was shattered. I was given two months notice and a great severance package. My last day would be March 31, 2015. I started looking for a job immediately, contacting the recruiters I knew of. After going on several interviews and having no offers on the table, I started getting depressed. I was frustrated and decided to fly home for a couple weeks, on a well needed holiday. Come back with a fresh mind, and start the process again.
My saga began while having intimacy. I’m sharing this sensitive part of my story, because people should know that this can happen to anyone. My brain suddenly felt as if was going to explode, I’ve never felt such pain in my life. The feeling of explosion went away, but it was concerning when it lingered. The next day I visited the clinic and conveyed my symptoms. The doctor on duty immediately sent me for an MRI and I was diagnosed with intracranial hemorrhage. “There is nothing that can be done,” said the doctor. For some reason I wasn’t buying his diagnosis and got a second opinion. He looked at the scans, diagnosed the same, and sent me on my merry way, with a prescription for the lingering headache.
After flying 16 hours I finally arrived in Los Angeles, making my way to Vegas. After a few days, I found myself searching for a specialist here in Vegas. Subconsciously I must have known, as I brought the CD with the head scans on this trip. Gave him the CD, explained the symptoms, and my brain would be scanned yet again. He called and said “get to the ER immediately, they’re waiting for you.” My sister was here from Dubai as well, so she and Mom accompanied me to the ER at Southern Hills Hospital. We were met by Dr. Adam who ordered a CT scan immediately. He was going to give me Heparin (anticoagulant to prevent blood clots) in the IV, but stopped suddenly and gave me a spinal tap to ensure there was no bleeding in the spine. They did find aneurysms from the CT scan. Dr. Linn (my radiologist) performed a brain angiogram, coiling the 7 mm aneurysm and checking the exact size of the other two. There were no problems and a couple weeks later, I was cleared to travel back to Dubai.
In the process of looking for a job, I was researching aneurysms and discovered I endured a thunderclap headache. A thunderclap headache is defined as a severe headache that takes seconds to minutes to reach maximum intensity. I experienced a ruptured blood vessel, tear in the lining of an artery, blood clot in the brain, severe elevation in blood pressure, or ischemic stroke. I’ll never know, but made perfect sense and the mystery was solved.
Still running into walls with the job search and the rent check coming up, something was telling me to move back to America for now. I was scared to have my dog Thompson fly for sixteen hours straight, but we managed and arrived on American soil December 7, 2015.
Working on my CV until February 25, 2016, my radiologist would perform another brain angiogram to look at the coiled aneurysm and check the size of the other two.
That day, my life would change in so many ways, forever. In recovery, I suffered a hemorrhagic cerebellar cerebrovascular accident, a stroke in the brain. I went directly to NICU and was hooked up to various monitors, to keep an eye on my progression. That night I stroked again, this time in the occipital lobe. At this point, it was an emergency for the neurosurgeon and his team to perform surgery and remove the blood from the brain. The surgery included a craniotomy (the surgical removal of part of the bone from the skull to expose the brain). From what I was told by the physician assistant, I died that day on the operating table, having respiratory failure. I was kept sedated so the brain could heal for 12 days and on a ventilator.
Dozens of relatives, family, and friends donated to my fund. The relatives came to visit me in the hospital. My oldest sister helped out the way she knew how, but disappeared for that emotional support. My niece was fully present in the hospital and rehab, but also disappeared when I got home. I celebrated seven years of continuous sobriety in the hospital. That cake was so good and was apparently all over my face the next day when my sister came. I remember hallucinating that my Dad and brother we’re there (both had passed). My siblings and all my doctors were on a fried chicken diet, that they were purposely keeping from me. I remember my nieces and nephews being at the hospital, dressed in black sweaters. They were all at the hospital, but didn’t wear the black sweaters I was referring to. Alan walked the halls with me and had an East Coast accent.
I arrived at the nursing home on March 10, 2016. My sister did her magic to ensure I was in a proper room. Even though my emotions were affected and I couldn’t express myself I needed her, but she left. There was so much confusion in my head. My family didn’t really know me. They knew the Leslee before her mind shifted from sobriety. Every day the therapists had me walk with a gait belt around my waist, building my endurance back up. I remember wanting to get out of there so bad, I had a meltdown and had to be sedated. On April 10, I was released from the nursing home.
I returned after forty-four days of being away from Thompson. The family was in denial and had a difficult time approaching me, as my anger outbursts weren’t taken well. Nobody wanted to talk about the injury and apparently nobody researched brain trauma. The energy was awkward and similar to a funeral, they all disappeared. My emotions were all over the place and all I wanted to do was sleep. My independence was gone, people were trying to make decisions for me. I felt angry and confused not being able to express what was clearly in my brain. I was stuck in my body unable to communicate. I lost my identity, I didn’t have the chance to grieve leaving the life I created abroad. Mother would not talk to me, she left me in a ball of confusion. I completely shut down and had hit rock bottom. I wanted to explode, but my emotions wouldn’t let me. Thankfully they were affected, otherwise to deal with this trauma on my own like I did, I would have probably committed suicide.
One day while in the pool working on what the strokes had taken from me, I hit my head really hard on the cement sundeck. Most people have falls after a brain injury of this magnitude. Of course I had to be different (giggle). As I was having more symptoms than the usual, we went to the ER. We couldn’t believe our eyes when Dr. Adam walked through the door. He was the attending ER physician in the beginning, the one who gave me a spinal tap. What a story. The scans showed no bleeding, but I did sustain a concussion.
Barely being able to do my own research, I found a proper rehabilitation facility called Nevada Community Enrichment Program (NCEP). A program that included physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech, counseling, classes on memory strategies, brain ed, activity sessions, yoga, tai chi , meditation, and special massage. I’m so grateful I found this amazing program. Graduated March of 2017 and gained lifelong friends from this experience.
Because of the mindfulness I hadn’t lost, I was able to research what had gone wrong. I was totally unconnected with people, places, and things. The brain was protecting me from this trauma and was suffering from a form of dissociation. I now see the world with a complete different magnifier. I’m super connected and live in the moment. My filter didn’t always work before but now, I know no other way than authenticity. I truly believe the A.A. Fellowship, members and friends at Fellowship gatherings, and going to Ireland to attend The Hoffman Process helped me survive this horrific experience on this journey. My current deficits are: 24/7 dizziness, chronic fatigue, anomic aphasia (unable to find the word I mean), cerebellar tremor dominant hand (no longer wear make-up and chopped hair off), hormonal changes, metabolism changes, weight gain, balance issues, dissociation, hyperacusis, cervical caries (from all the pharmaceuticals and MRI’s) and I now wear prism eyeglasses. The brain is indeed very mysterious.
As soon as I woke in the hospital, I said “I know what I want to do now.” I knew I had avoided death that day. I knew there was a plan for me. I found my purpose. I had witnessed people not having any answers or knowing what to do.
As soon as I was recovered enough to volunteer, I did. I visited brain injury survivors rooms at Sunrise Hospital, where my trauma happened. One day I found Greg (my main nurse) remembering his voice, but not his face. I also saw Alan (my Physical Therapist), the gentleman who walked the halls with me. Heather (my Occupational Therapist) was there too, she taught me to brush my teeth. It was such a memorable experience, I cannot describe it and will continue to cherish every moment.
Today I live a fully expressed life. One day I received an email from the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. They sent a wealth of knowledge and options to think about. I suddenly found myself researching non-profits. Living as an expat in the UAE and having legal experience, would eventually benefit me in so many ways I could have never imagined. Finally, I decided to form a non-profit organization calling it There Is A Solution Inc. The name transpired from a slogan used often in the AA Fellowship. I hope I can help others who have survived, just like me . . .